Yesterday my husband and I were stuck indoors because of the blizzard. My husband was getting cups full of snow and bringing them for the girls to eat (How fun to eat snow!). He was using the blender and noticed some black on the blender. He brough me over and long story short, I felt I accused and totally blew up and yelled at him and stormed off in my "You really hurt me" way.
Then my dh was really upset (and understandably so, this crazy woman had just come out of his usually loving and caring wife). He let me know that I was the reason he was so upset and understandably so! I mean I was pouting and trying to make him feel bad for hurting me. I felt accused and rather than staying calm and talking to my husband about it, I flew off the handle. I yelled first (and as I am writing this, I think I am usually the one to yell first or the one to provoke my husband to yell first, either way, I am provoking the arguement).
My oldest started crying and came over to me. I asked her what was wrong (as it was a sincere cry ant not a fake one). She said "I just want it to stop." I asked her what she wanted to stop. "I just want the fighting to stop." OH how my heart broke! "Sweetheart, Mommy and Daddy love each other very much! We just need to work this out honey. Everything will be ok." I was saddened by what I was teaching my daughter. I was not teaching her to love her husband, and I was not teaching her to be obedient and loving to her daddy.
I went to dh and we talked about it and I apologized and asked his forgiveness. ALL of this could have been prevented if we had remembered to use LUV talk. Listen Understand Validate. Gary Smalley came up with this type of communication tool and it has greatly helped our marriage. You can learn more about it here.
Anyone who says divorce doesn't affect children don't know what they are talking about. We only had an argument, and my daughter was a basket case.
Of course while dh and I made up and were hugging, I called my oldests attention to it. I wanted her to feel secure in the love her daddy and I have for each other. She came over and joined us in our hug and we all smiled and laughed and things were well again for our oldest in her world. And things felt pretty good in dh and my world too.
I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!
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Paula, I just happened upon your blog, and read just a couple of entries. May I suggest that you apologize to your daughter as well as your husband? Apologize to her for being disrespectfull to her daddie. Point out to her that God tells you to respect her daddie and that when you yell at him and get angry, you are disobeying God and showing her a bad example. I have had to apologize to my children for being disrespectful to my husband, as I want them to know that it is a beautiful thing to ask for forgiveness from all those whom we offend. This is something I have learned in my life, and I thought I would pass it along to a fellow sister in Christ.
God bless you, Paula, for striving to be a Godly wife, and do not despair, for you "can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth" you. Philippians 4:13
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