It amazes me how much MORE work I have to do to correct the repercussions of my unsubmission than the work I have to do to die to myself and submit. It would have been much less work to say "what a great idea to plant bulbs honey, how can I help?" than to spend the hours of feeling guilty and bad for saying "we have so much more that needs to be done first" which translated as "what a silly idea and waste of time - you are a silly man for thinking that!" I have spent more time and energy trying to win back my husband's heart and smile with asking forgiveness and seeking for ways to repair the damage I have done to my husband's esteem. Trying to smile (remembering the story of the ugly hillbilly). Making sure he has water while working in the hot sun. Telling him I am proud of him.
I heard somewhere (Gary Smalley I think), that it takes 12 positives to make up for one negative thing spoken. I know that I hurt my husband by my unwillingness to be the help meet God created me to be. And while I have already said 12 things (it is amazing how hard it is to find 12 positive things to do and say when you know you have hurt your man), I know I gotta keep it up. I am still learning and making mistakes and am gonna need some positives in that love bank to cover up those negatives I pray won't come, but know they might.
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