The Mr. Visionary in my dh waiting to be unleashed

For almost 9 years now, my dh has been tinkering with the idea of starting his own business. It is not that he doesn't like what he does, but there are aspects that he wishes he had more of (like the ability to take the day off when he wants to, work with his brother and close friend, etc.). It is not that I was not supportive of this idea, but I was not supportive of it. I usually jsut smiled and said "that sounds like fun honey."

So earlier this week, he started talking about starting up his business again and asked me to think of names for his company. I had read the [i]Created to Be His Help Meet[/i] book so I knew what to do, sort of. I did think up quite a few names for him. But I guess my lack of enthusiasm was showing or something, because he really didn't persue the idea anymore.

I knew that I had done something wrong. I know my husband has a lot of Mr. Steady in him, but he also has quite a bit of Mr. Visionary that I have pushed and shoved down until I made him fit into a little box that I could lock up and keep him there. Mrs. Pearl was right, that a man would do most anything to make his woman happy. EVen if it meant dying to a part of himself.

Oh how it PAINS me to say that! It saddens me to think of what I have done, but God's light is shinning right on me and this situation, and I can see clearly now what I have done.

SO I asked the yahoo group for help and Shannon shared a WONDERFUL testimony! (BTW - the ladies on this list are so great!)

I was sharing Shannon's story with my husband last night, and I let him know that while I did not expect the same results (I think he felt pressured to do as well), that the main thing that stuck out to me was his happiness and being able to take the day off to go fishing. While he enjoys his work right now, I do know that he does not ALWAYS enjoy it, and he doesn’t always enjoy the hours, and he doesn’t enjoy being passed over for promotion because he is a family man (out of the 50 people that work there, only ONE other person has children and she is a single mom). They are pretty understanding about letting Brian work from home (in a different state), and for letting Brian work from TX (so we can go visit family more often), and letting him have time off in an emergency --- last May one morning we got a call at 7:30 AM our time 9:30AM work time that dh’s dad had just had a heart attack and Bri called work and said he would be taking the week off to be with his dad and they were VERY understanding).

SO last night while we were talking, I mentioned that I know I have not been supportive in the past and may have even been the opposite of supportive. He shook his head yes (which I really had no idea I was THAT unsupportive --- I guess the fact I wasn’t supportive to him meant I was totally unsupportive). I didn’t realize just how much I had hurt him all these years by not being overtly supportive. My husband’s love language includes words of appreciation.

So last night, I apologized and asked his forgiveness and told him that I would be willing to do ANYTHING to help him start his own business. He said that it would take a LOT of time (meaning he would work on it on nights and weekends and would have less time for me and the girls AT FIRST, but that once the company really got going, he would have LOTS more time for us). I must admit that some of my actions in the past have been pretty selfish. I would make dh feel guilty for working long hours. If he was playing on the computer instead of playing with the family, I would again nag him that he should be spending more time with us. SO he gave up a LOT for me (and our family), which he really didn’t have to sacrifice, but he did in order to stop my nagging and in order for me to feel loved. Isn’t that sad that my husband had to give up his musical brilliance of playing the piano in order for me to feel loved. A husband should never have to give up something he loves in order for his wife to feel loved. And now it has been so long since he played, that it would take about a year of practice for him to get back to being as good as he was.

Of course after reading Created To Be His Help Meet, I realize that my behavior was deplorable! He was leery at first to do anything just for himself (like play around on the computer). He still is a bit leery. I just tell him that all he has to do is tell me that he wants to do that (so I don’t feel he is avoiding me) and then go have fun doing it. That has helped him.

So last night in the middle of our conversation (which was going into an hour, but it was really pleasant conversation and very healing), I mentioned what I thought would be a great company name and he got so excited that he couldn’t sleep! He went in and got on the computer (who knows what he did) and was on there all night. Poor thing is conked out in bed right now (another plus to working from home is that he can go into work later than his co-workers).

I am not sure if this is just a phase to grow dh and I in the Lord, or if he really will be starting his own business. But I do know, by God's grace, I will be able to joyfully support him and encourage him no matter what his decision is.